Paralyzed by Fear of Failure or is it Really the Need to Make Decisions?

I published my children's book, Little Saint Therese, about a year ago as a self-published, print-on-demand book through The Book Patch. I bought one as a proof copy, uploaded some minor changes, and then bought some more to give away as review copies or gifts.

A year later, I have still bought more books myself than anyone else has bought. I'm sure I shouldn't admit that publicly, but hey, there's a point to my openness.

Yes, the book is geared to a very specific age group and no, I don't promote it very much. But I think there's something more going on here, too. Who's ever heard of the Book Patch? (No offense, Book Patch folks; you do a great job on the publishing and mailing!). 

And where do you go to find out more about a book? Amazon, right? But my book isn't on Amazon. Naturally, it doesn't come up in any Amazon searches for children's saint books or children's Catholic books or what-have-you. 

Six months ago, give or take a few, I was ready to publish my Myers Family Vintage Cookbook (or whatever name I ultimately settle on). But I had a Total Formatting Fail when I tried to upload it at The Book Patch. So I began to think maybe I should publish it somewhere else. I also realized the formatting was a huge learning curve for me, wherever I published it. And my publishing ventures are not all that I have on my plate, so it kept getting shifted down to a lower priority. You know how it is when you feel something is a major project, right? 

This morning I finally sat down, determined to do something about the cookbook. And that's when I realized that it's not so much fear of failure that has been paralyzing me, as I had begun to think. It's actually more the need to make decisions! I started this morning's questions with: How much do I want to charge for Kindle books? Then I realized I needed to decide - for the physical book - between CreateSpace (Amazon for print-on-demand) and Lulu (print-on-demand company which also enables you to offer your book on Amazon). 

So I did some research and found...mixed reviews. I really want spiral binding for the cookbook, which CreateSpace doesn't offer.  But people say Lulu is more expensive. Some people were even concerned about the cost of buying their own copies. I have a lot of copies to buy. But I also want spiral binding.

So then it dawned on me. I don't hope to make money selling print books. I mean, I'm not going to give them away (well, not too many of them); but selling print books is not my main plan. It's the Kindle books that I hope to sell in volume (when I finally get them there). That will be my "book business", so to speak.

I want the print books for the copyright registration, and for me and my family, and for gifts, and for review copies. If someone else wants to buy them, too, that's terrific. But that spiral binding is more important to me right now than a place on Amazon, and my budget is limited. I want my next book, too - my Minute Psalm Retreats - to have spiral binding. And again, once they are in print, I hope to put them all on Kindle, and that's where I hope to make any volume sales. 

So, for now, for this 'set' (if you will), why not continue with the print-on-demand publisher that I already know? Now that I've made a decision, I hope I can move forward again! 

Have you ever procrastinated because you were avoiding making decisions? 

Next Day: I think I have tweaked yesterday's decisions. But that doesn't change the concept that the need to decide on the next direction can sometimes hold us back! 

The Finger Pointing Doesn't Help

I've diminished my Facebook use and even my email inbox is "bugging me" these days. Here's why:

I wish, before people would pass along this or that "black-on-white crime", thinking they prove a point, that they would check to see if the killer was arrested & charged. In all the "black-on-white" stories that I have seen people post, the killers were definitely arrested and charged and - if it has already gone to trial - convicted. 

The only similarity between those stories & the recent case that brought national attention is that someone was killed. The differences in the recent case were that no one was arrested and charged in the weeks after someone died; that evidence had not been properly preserved; and so much information & misinformation was publicized (because otherwise, nothing was being done at all)...and that this affected the ability to even find a jury. 

If someone wants to pass along every "black-on-white" and "black-on-black" crime story that comes their way, thinking that it proves a point, I wish they would ask who bombed the Oklahoma federal building...and who shot up schools and malls and a theater?  My parents taught me when I was a little girl that there is crime in every race. 

If we say, "Why are people making this about race?" and then we turn this into finger-pointing & drag out and publicize every crime we can find, and imply "these people" commit all these crimes, then I believe we answer the question very well as to why this is about race. 

If that sounds harsh, I'm sorry, because I'm sure many people re-post these things without even thinking, or because they simply don't understand the differences between the cases and they are tired of hearing about it. I'm sure some of them don't really mean what they seem to imply. 

But it makes me wonder if maybe we do need to think a little more carefully about this subject!  

Things People Say about the Zimmerman Case

"Why do people bring race into this? There was this black-on-white crime that happened in this other state, and that's not on the national news." When someone tells me that, or posts it on Facebook, I look at the story they refer to. And every time I see that someone was "arrested and charged" for the crime. Therein lies the difference.

I have yet to hear a story of black-on-white in which the person was allowed to simply walk away free, without so much as an arrest or a trial. This is what happened in this case until the national news brought it to our attention. And that delay is why evidence was not properly preserved and why the jury pool was sparse because so many had already heard so much about the case.

"There was equal fault on both sides." No one really knows for sure what happened out there. But whatever happened, can't people conceive that Martin either knew or sensed his life was in danger (as we know that it actually was). Can't we consider that he may have been the first one who acted in self-defense?

"It was decided in a court of law; so it's over. "  It was decided in a court of law, so it's over until the next court, perhaps a civil trial from the family, or perhaps a trial by a higher court. A verdict of 'not guilty' demonstrates that a crime wasn't proven to the satisfaction of a jury, who cannot convict if they have reasonable doubt. But we will never know whether the jury would have decided differently if they had been given the 'initial aggressor instruction' to consider, because the defense objected to it and it was left out of the jury instructions. (One explanation of that is here.). It's also not "over", in that people are allowed to legitimately seek ways to make changes in laws for the future.

"I wish we could stop talking about race."  There was a time in my life when I felt that way, too, so I understand that sentiment. After all, as my late son Paul used to say (although he wasn't denying the existence of problems), "we are all the same race, the human race". Wouldn't it be nice if everyone just respected everyone else equally? Unfortunately it seems that in some parts of our country - and perhaps in some hearts - these conversations are still necessary. We need to have those conversations not only in society but also in our families, where we teach one another to build people up and respect them, whatever our similarities and differences may be.

Storage, A Piano, and Learning to be Kind to Myself

I don't need any more books. I don’t need to get more books simply so that the ones on the bottom shelves of my bookcase don't ruin one another. You know that books get ruined if you don't have enough of them on the shelf, right? Seriously, I need to decide whether to add another crate of loose materials or to stack some of the books atop one another, rather than side by side. 

But I kept thinking of the old Value Tales books that are tucked away, somewhere in our storage unit. Even though they are not in very good condition, I keep them for the content. I needed to know where and how to fit them into the bookcase space and,  besides, I just wanted to get them into our home space and out of our storage space.

I don't recommend off-site storage units, but we came to Baltimore from a five-bedroom house in rural Kentucky with an abundance of storage space in the garage and attic, as well as lots of living space. In addition to having a large house, both of us inherited plenty of "pack-rat" in our upbringing. We eliminated a lot of things for our relocation but we were not able to whittle down enough to transition to an apartment, without renting a little more real estate, ten miles from home. 

So, my son and I went to “storage” yesterday. We never found the Value Tales. But we found something in worse condition than those books: the storage unit itself. We found boxes with water damage, some still damp. Worse, we found what looks like some water damage on the cover for the keys of the piano…the piano that belonged to my father-in-law when he was a boy. The piano my husband has been missing so badly since we came to Baltimore.

My son and I tried to get in touch with management to look at the damage, but they were not answering their calls and although the office was open, we could find no one there. So we went home, and we will need to go back, along with my husband, to assess the damage and to get management to fix the roof.

After we went home yesterday, I kept catching myself using self-talk that was less than charitable. I was getting mad at myself for stupid little things, stupid little nothings, and finally I realized this was the “old me” popping up…that I have learned better than that. But where was it coming from?

I think I was blaming myself for the possible damage to my husband’s precious piano. If I had cleared out more at home, maybe we could have made room for it. Or perhaps I should have found out sooner that we could bring it here, even though we live on an upper floor (it was not allowed at our first apartment in Baltimore, unless you lived on the first floor). Or maybe if I had waited to have us move from one community to another, waited until we could get a first floor apartment here, maybe we would have brought the piano home from storage.

That was when I realized the folly of my runaway thoughts! If we had gotten a first floor apartment here - at least in any of the buildings on our street - we could have lost everything a couple of years ago when the creek flooded. We helped a neighbor move out after that flood and it wasn't pretty. 

Stuff just happens. Not everything that happens can be prevented. Wow, it’s amazing that I am still fighting that philosophy that was drilled into me when I was a child, “What could you have done to prevent this?” or, “How could we keep something like this from happening again in the future?”

It’s good to take care of our people and our things, but there is a balance to life. We need to do our duties, and we need to make decisions. But then, we need to let go.  We cannot control life. I don’t think we were ever programmed to control every circumstance.

If we have actually done something intentional that hurt someone, we need to seek forgiveness. But whenever we feel we may have contributed to a problem, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we also need to forgive ourselves.  We need to “let go and let God”.  Let God bring good out of evil. Let God love us.

As for the piano, it may be better off than I first thought. But, whatever the case, life and its lessons play on. 

Follow-up: We went back on Saturday and were delighted to learn that the piano plays as well as ever and only has minimal cosmetic damage. It was already old, with some cosmetic damage, so we are just happy that it is still good, musically. The owner of the storage facility repaired the ceiling, and the only other things damaged were some boxes, mostly empty...and the piano bench pad I made some years ago, which was in a box that got damaged. The piano books in that box were protected by the bench cushion.

Focus by Ingrid Ricks -- A Book Review

A Book Review of Focus by Ingrid Ricks

How might it feel to go to get glasses, pick out your favorite frames on the way in to the ophthalmologists’ office, and then to find out that your field of vision is so small that you are legally blind?  To learn that glasses won’t help? To learn it is a progressive disease?

Find out how Ingrid Ricks felt when she received this devastating news. Find out how she got her positive perspective back. Find out what life is like with Retinitis Pigmentosa…and what she is doing about it.

Ingrid Ricks tells it like it is, making it all so real you feel like you are right there. At times, we might go down to the depths with her but, as always, she brings us back up to the positive, optimistic place that characterizes her writing.

As a mother with two sons who had sudden vision losses, I remember looking for books – any books - on the subject of vision loss, and coming up short. At that time, there was basically nothing I could find. I wasn’t looking for a book that explained the technical details or for a book specific to my sons’ condition. I just wanted something, anything on the subject. Finally, someone wrote one of those books I had been looking for.

But even if you don’t know anyone with vision loss, or maybe even more so in that case, this book can help you to see life through someone else’s eyes. 

You can get the book through Amazon here. 

Why Does He Carry a White Cane Beside Him?

My youngest son often carries a white cane. I'm glad he can't see that sometimes people stare or turn their heads. I know I'm not supposed to be a mind-reader but my guess, as I watch them, is that they are wondering: Since he gets around so well, why does he carry a white cane?

You know why someone carries a white cane, right? Many people do. But you see, that's just it. A blind person uses a white cane to sweep back and forth in order to know what's in front of him or her. (Or that's our perception.) So why does this man carry it beside him? 

We tend to want to define everything and everyone. We tend to want to put things - and unfortunately, people, too - into boxes. This person is blind; this other person is sighted. This person is deaf; this other person can hear. This person needs a wheel chair; this other person does not. But real life is not that simple! 

My friend might need a wheelchair for long days out and about, but she doesn't need it for everywhere or for everything. I might not be able to hear you speaking beside me but I might hear you whisper behind me. My son might be able to lead the rest of the family around but...and that brings me back to the story at hand. 

As those who know my family know, my youngest son is "legally blind". Being legally blind doesn't mean he can't see anything or - as he sometimes says to me when I say something too obvious - "I'm not blind." But it does mean that he can't see quite as well as those of us who are fully sighted. 

The disabilities lady at his first college persuaded him to use the cane. You see, there are several different uses for many things in this world. One use for a white cane is identification (otherwise, why would it be white...and why would no one else be allowed to carry a white cane?). If you see someone with a white cane, you automatically know that person is blind...or occasionally, "just" legally blind. When you are driving and you see that person, you know that he might not be able to see you wave him across the road...or, conversely, he might not see that you're going to proceed turning left on your green light, even if he has a green light too, and you expect him to just darn well wait for you (one of my pet peeves, regardless of whether the pedestrian is sighted or not, but if that pedestrian carries a white cane, that driver may be in a heap o' trouble if he makes such an assumption).  

If you're a teacher, you know right away that this person might not see what you're writing on the board. Not that you have to molly-coddle him. You don't. He will tell you what he needs. But it's good to know, right?  If you're a student, you know that he might not see you wave or smile at him across the hallway; you have to speak up. If you're doing business with him, now you know why you might have to show him where the line is to sign on. (Not to worry, if he needs to know what he's signing, he will probably pull out his pocket video magnifier, but if it's something routine, he might ask you where to sign.) 

Wait. Didn't I say he leads the rest of the family around? What did I mean by that, and how can that be, if he's legally blind? Again, we are all different. Not only can he see large objects but he has good peripheral vision, which is what we primarily use for orientation; he hears very well; he has a good memory; and he has good spatial concepts. So if I'm going someplace I haven't been before, or some place that confuses me, I'm always glad when he's with me. 

So, if you ever see someone carrying a white cane, who doesn't seem to be blind, who doesn't sweep the cane in front of him or her, who carries it some of the time and maybe doesn't at other times, now, hopefully, you won't be puzzled. 

Book Review of The Catholic Baby Name Book

Whether you are looking for a first name, a middle name, or a confirmation name, you will find the names of many well-known saints in this book, as well as a plethora of saints whose names and stories you have probably never heard.

For example, have you ever heard of 20^th-century Spanish St. Ceferino, who was uneducated but became a catechist and city councilman? Did you know there was actually a third century Italian bishop named St. Autonomous? And yes, the name does mean self-governing.

When I used to hear the name “Olympia”, the capital city of my home state, I thought of Greek gods. But it turns out there is a St. Olympia. She was born in the Ukraine. And although I don’t see the book mention some common nicknames such as Peggy for Margaret, I was fascinated to learn that there was a St. Pega, a hermitess, who once cured a blind man while she was attending her brother’s funeral.  

The Catholic Baby Name Book gives you the meanings behind the names of many saints, as well as the countries of origin, brief stories about the saints, and multiple spellings.

You can also find out the top 100 names in the US since 2011; the most popular Catholic names by decade since the sixties; a list of recently canonized saints; and resources for finding more names, stories, and information. 

*****

You can buy the book from  the publisher, Ave Maria Press, or from Amazon, or from Barnes and Noble. Enjoy!

A Mother's Day Tribute from My Daughter

My daughter, Mary Ellen Myers, posted the following on Facebook yesterday. I decided to share it with you here in my blog (although I'm blushing a bit to do so!). Perhaps it will encourage some young mother who is tired and feels overworked that there is light at the end of the tunnel or a mother who maybe feels like your kids don't appreciate you. If you are in the latter group, I hope, as they mature, they will. And if you think your adult kids don't appreciate you, it may really just be their frustration, at this moment in time, with their own lives; or perhaps they aren't this articulate about it and you just don't know that they really do appreciate you more than you know. To all mothers, and to all who are like a mother to someone, in any way, Happy Mother's Day! (Oh. And thank you, Mary!  Wow, can you write! )


Why I'm pretty sure my mom is SuperMom:

Okay, so we've never found the cape. I'm convinced it's made of the same material as the Invisibility Cloak in Harry Potter. I'm also convinced that she hides a time machine. Otherwise I cannot explain the number of things she does in just one day, in just one hour, in just one minute. It's kind of...no offense, Margaret Mary, but kind of freaky. I'm not saying you're a freak of course. I'd love it if you'd let me in on some of your magical secrets because even on my most productive days, I feel like a lazy bum in comparison.

With only a high school education and a thirst for knowledge that rivals Einstein, she homeschooled 6 kids, adapting to different learning needs and styles. All of us have degrees or are finishing college, all with good grades. I think her success is largely due to the fact that she never stopped to ask whether or not she could do something. She just did it.

She never had much of a temper but we'd always try to see how far we could push it, see if we could make her blow. It was a jolly good time when we could even though it meant somebody was in trouble. Even when angry, she never punished in anger, but only out of love. Many don't understand this distinction.

She didn't have many rules because frankly, she was more interested in reading and writing than micromanaging her noisy, crazy children. Most cries of "Mom, Mom, so and so is doing ___" were met with a nonchalant "Is anyone bleeding"? Upon discovering that no one was in immediate danger, she would dive back into her world of reading/writing with great fervor. But she does have a few rules about safety. For example, the Mom-mobile does not leave the station unless everyone's seatbelts are securely fastened. Which might be related to her desire to drive like she's in the Indy 500 if she thought she could get away with it. This IS the same woman who aced the test, revving circles around the guys when she got her motorcycle license to cruise the streets of Los Angeles.

She's gotta be the proudest parent on earth. She rejoices at our accomplishments, both big and small, quickly followed by "so what are your next plans"? I'm sure if I went to Mars, she would want to know what planet was next on the list. She always wants to have a plan, know the details of the plan and follow the plan.

She's a great neighbor. By that, I mean, nothing is gonna happen in that neighborhood without her knowing about it. But it's due to her amazing observation skills that she understands people so well. She captures the motivations behind why they do what they do. Where someone else might label someone a "jerk", she holds back judgement and says "well, you know maybe ____ is the reason they acted this way". And yet, even though she might understand the offender's mindset, she won't allow them to treat herself or her family badly. She has stood between police in bulletproof vests and a family member when they tried to arrest the wrong person, all 5 foot 2 inches of her badassery halting them in their tracks.

She's a fountain of wisdom but only because she's always growing and seeing the world in new ways, because she's never lost her childlike love of learning. Happy Mother's Day, Mom aka Aunt Peggy aka Aunt Margaret Mary. Love you.

My "Just Say No" Diet

Should I really post this when I haven't even begun my "diet"? Well, that's what blogging is all about, right? It's a journal ("weB LOG", right?). So...here it is. I have been a bit overweight for awhile now. And no, I'm not going to define "a bit". Maybe later on...in a few weeks or months...maybe I will.

I also have a family cookbook in the works to share with you some day, and the more I've looked at diets, the more I realize I haven't really changed my mind about the value of most of the foods and recipes in my cookbook. Mostly, it's about balance.

But - I believe -  it's not my own cooking that has caused me to put on weight. It's all the "other stuff" I add or substitute:  the candy or doughnuts I buy at the grocery store; the fast foods or deliciously healthy but sweet semi-fast foods (eg. Starbucks, Panera, etc.); and the vending machines at school - and previously at work - because, after all, it's been a stressful day. At home it might be the handfuls of chocolate chips or raisins because I'm bored or lonely or sad, or the dishes of oyster crackers I crack in half sideways while I'm on the computer because...do you know how much fun that is? (Just to clarify, I don't eat all of those different things in a single day.)  Worst of all, I "need" a soda because I am bored, stressed, sad, nervous, or to celebrate something!

I keep thinking I should "cut out sweets"...or "give up white sugar and white flour".  Maybe that's a good idea but I've never been a "cold turkey" kind of person. And I live in a busy, real world. So, the other day I made up My "Just Say No" Diet. No, I don't plan to market it (hmm?).

In my "diet plan", almost every "just say no" category has exceptions. They say the plan won't work unless you work the plan. So I'm trying to make a plan that I can and will "work". These exceptions should work for me. If you were going to give something up, it might be something different and your exceptions might be different. For example, where I "except" a light spread of jam from my sugar prohibition, you might substitute a little ketchup. Or whatever. Or you might be a "cold turkey" type of person and give up all sugar. But without further ado, here's my plan.

My "Just Say No" Diet  :)

No white sugar except:

A teaspoon or packet of sugar in tea or iced tea (maximum of 2 daily)

A light spread of jam (about a teaspoon) on whole grain toast (maximum of 1 daily)

Occasional hot chocolate, for a treat, when out (maximum of one a month)

Only minimal raisins, chocolate chips (dark or semi-sweet), honey, or other natural sweeteners in:

Small servings of whole grain cereals or whole grain baked goods (maximum of 2 small servings daily)

No artificial sweeteners; no exceptions:

So, with only a teaspoon of table sugar and no artificial sweeteners, sodas are not in the plan, period. (This is the strictest but most important one.)

No white flour, except:

Burritos, quesadillas, pizza, or sub sandwich (maximum of twice a week)

Occasional roll, half-sandwich, waffle or a couple of pancakes, if eating out or serving company (maybe once a month)

Just Say Yes

Proteins:

Eggs, lean beef, chicken, turkey, ham, fresh or frozen fish, canned fish

Dairy products without added sugars. Choose low-fat dairy except for the occasional dollop of sour cream with some of my foods and a teaspoon of half-and-half in my coffee (maximum of 2 coffees a day & no, that's not on top of 2 cups of tea, but more of an either/or kind of thing).

Beans

Protein bars

Nut butter

Carbohydrates:

Veggies, lots of veggies; get ones I like, include avocado, and remember, too, that low-sodium V-8 is easy to grab or to take along

Brown or wild rice

Fruits, in moderation

Whole grain cereals, pastas, and breads, in moderation

Fats:

Butter in moderation on toast

Olive oil for frying

Canola oil for baking

Olives for snacking, in tiny amounts

Avocado (yes, I mentioned avocado twice; yum)

I will check back with you later about how well I stuck with the plan and how successful it was. 

What do you do when you want to lose a little weight? Feel free to share.  





P.S. Well, I can't say I have stuck by the plan religiously but I've certainly tried to "do better". And guess what? In spite of being sick with a virus which turned into a sinus infection (no, being sick doesn't make me stop eating, but it does make me add more sugar, for example, Sierra Mist), and in spite of having company for a week (& eating out nearly every night), I lost a half pound a week for the past month, just by paying attention to the above. And I never felt deprived.  I know I will probably reach a point where I will have to give up more if I want to lose more, but so far, so good.

"42" - A Movie Review

Go see the Movie “42”.

Okay, no, I’m not telling you what to do or anything. I’m just enthusiastic. 

I got mad; I got madder; I got really mad. I laughed. I cheered (quietly). I cried (happily). I all but forgot to breathe for an hour and a half. Well, okay, I really did forget to breathe some of the time. And let me tell you, not breathing can be exhausting. 

So, what is “42”? “42” was Jackie Robinson’s baseball number.  “42” is a movie about Jackie Robinson, which is par excellence!  Bring your teens. It’s PG-13, and you might not want your little ones to hear the language, especially the “n” word, repeated over and over by one man. About that? You picked up that I got mad, right?  No, I wasn’t mad at the producers. I was mad at the attitudes and actions of some of the people. Even though I already knew it was that way in history, it was painful to see it all come to life on the screen. But sometimes we need to see pain, to see how people have pushed through it.  

This movie and all that it stands for is part of American History 101. Living and breathing history. This was life-changing US history!  None of this life-changing history should have ever been necessary. But unfortunately it was. 

Branch Rickie and Jackie Robinson and Pee Wee Reese and others helped bring about change. Many were involved, and many showed courage, but what was most apparent, what was most essential to change the sports climate in America, was the courage of one man who didn't see himself as a hero, one man who just wanted to play baseball: Jackie Robinson. 

I hope you will go see the movie. 

Math Rescue Kit - Book Review

I'm a nontraditional college student. I have 60 years of life experience; I'm a writer; and I homeschooled my six children and prepared them all for college. However, past the seventh-grade level, they learned math from their dad and, later, from some excellent computer-based, self-teaching materials. I've never been a "math person".

But to achieve the associate's degree that I am now pursuing, I will need three math classes...that is, after I get through the two "developmental" math classes that I tested into (high school level math for college students). And how am I even going to pass those first two classes? Well, I signed up for my first class, and, first of all, we have a good text; we use the MyMathLab computer program for homework; and I have a great teacher. But still, I needed a little more! So, secondly, I bought the Math Rescue Kit. Okay, you've heard enough about me, and now you want to know something about the book, right?

Dr. Porr divides the book into three parts: Attitude and Perspective, Before Class Begins, and Power Techniques. Each part is equally important, but it's not like you have to master everything in the book before you begin. Each of these three parts has various principles. Each principle or idea is helpful, but you don't have to use all of them to benefit. The tips that help you the most might not be the same as the tips that help me the most. Maybe someone's favorite tip might be "Look for a Metaphor" or someone else's favorite suggestion might be to "Join or Create a Study Group". My personal favorite is this one: "Pursue Mastery, Not Just Completing Assignments". Every single new math lesson that I pursue is a challenge for me (and he addresses that, too); but as I keep pursuing mastery with each new lesson, I finally "get it"...and I'm getting good grades. Most of all, I've learned that: "I can learn math!"

Spending to Save

"You can get one free if you buy two," the clerk told me as she scanned my candy bar. I thanked her graciously but I told her with a little laugh that if I got three, we would eat them. That kind of spending to save doesn't usually work, unless you normally eat those candy bars often, yet have the self-discipline not to eat all of them that day. So, no, that's not how I "spend to save".

Another thing, "spending to save" often is not an option for those who are struggling just to survive. That's one of the (many) reasons I don't feel we should ever say, 'poor people could help themselves if they wanted to'.  Really? With what? So if you're one of those who is struggling to put food in your mouth, please don't get annoyed at my post about spending to save. Maybe if I can encourage myself and others to save, maybe we will have more to share with you or with someone else who could use a little help.

Okay, here are some of my miscellaneous ideas for spending in the short term in order to save in the long term...or for "spending a little to save a lot":

1) Recently one day, my husband went to zip up his 'decades-old-but-still-very-good' down jacket and the zipper jumped the track (or something like that). I thought maybe I could fix it, but it didn't look I was going to conquer that learning curve in a hurry. So, after calling around a bit, we took it to a dry cleaner that does alterations. They fixed it for him, as good as new. I could hardly believe it cost only ten dollars! Replacing it with a new, comparable jacket would have probably cost at least a couple hundred dollars, maybe more. Back in the days before he had business casual dress at work, he also used to get his dress shoes re-soled, saving a lot of money by not needing to buy expensive new shoes very often.

2)  Ah, and my favorite fence post story.  We once had a large house on a large lot, where we were somewhat "house poor", meaning the house payments, insurance, and repairs were eating away at our discretionary income. We had an essential chain link fence which had a rotting post, rusting out at the bottom where it goes into the ground. Someone suggested we repair it ourselves and told us how to do it. We took off the top of the post; measured the diameter of the pipe; measured the height from the ground to the top. Then, he told us, go to the hardware store and buy a piece of hollow pipe, slightly smaller in diameter and about 2-3 feet longer in height. We climbed a ladder, put the new pipe into the hollow post, and watched it slide down. With a rubber mallet, we pounded the extra couple feet down, down, down into the ground. (Now, had there been good concrete in there, it might not have worked, but the same man who suggested this repair had noticed that the concrete base had worn out along with the pipe.) So the new pipe went in very nicely and held our fence strong for years. Like the jacket zipper, it cost only a few dollars...maybe $20 or $40 to fix all four posts, but in this case - by the time we had fixed all the posts - we may have saved as much as a thousand dollars or more, considering that, without those repairs, we would have had to get a whole new fence.

3) You've all heard this one, but it's so true: An oil change is worth its weight in gold...or at least in oil. My husband and I don't get oil changes every 3,000 miles but we do get them on a regular basis (you can usually check the recommendation in the owner's manual for your car).  My '93 Pontiac minivan made 17 years and just under 100,000 miles before we had to replace it. My husband has driven his 2001 Jeep over 200,000 miles so far, and it's still going strong. That half hour in the quick lube place is so worth it and that 30 to 50 dollars may have saved us tens of thousands of dollars over the years. (But I'm careful about how much extra work I let a quick lube center do...and if they say something major is wrong, I say, "Thank you. I'll tell my mechanic."  We do also have a good mechanic.)  

These are just a few of the ways we have saved money by spending money.  Of course, you can also save money without spending money, but I just wanted to share these thoughts for now. How about you?  Are there ways that you have saved a lot by spending a little? 

Cars as Lethal Weapons

I don't remember who I first heard refer to a car as a gun...many years ago...decades, even. But I remember it well, because I thought it was a good point.

Whether I'm the kind who thinks we should be able to possess whatever guns we want without any restriction, or whether I'm in favor of more gun control (and I'm not saying which I am)...wherever you and I are on that spectrum, I'm sure neither of us would leave a gun lying around, unlocked, loaded, and cocked. We would take safety precautions.

But every time we get in a car, put our hands on the steering wheel, and push on the gas pedal, we are taking a lethal weapon into our hands. Have you ever almost hit a pedestrian? I have come close, on more than one occasion. And - as some of you know - I have also experienced the fear and pain of a family member being struck by a car and thrown...and airlifted to the hospital. Miraculously, he recovered completely. But 14 months later, in January of 2012, he died in his sleep of natural causes. Did the one follow from the other? The coroner didn't think so; but sometimes I wonder. How much does the medical profession really know about injuries to the brain?  And if it was a rare component of my son's LHON that caused his death, as the coroner thought, could the LHON have been worsened by a severe blow that caused hours of bleeding inside his head? How does that kind of injury affect the mitochondria? How much does the medical profession really know about LHON? And not to worry; I believe my son is in a happy place beyond our imagining, but still, there is a human explanation for his passing, even if we will never know that reason.

After Paul's death - for awhile - if a driver cut me off when I was walking in a parking lot or worse yet, cut off one of my sons, I would literally run after the car to yell at the driver! Yes, this normally-non-aggressive, middle-aged woman was chasing people down.  As I told my family about this, and they reacted with alarm, I began to realize I was endangering my life by chasing on foot after strangers who were wrapped in metal armor.

That thought stopped me from yelling at people, but it was something else that stopped the anger. As I made a left turn one day, paying careful attention to the oncoming traffic to see when I would have a break to go, I forgot to look carefully to my left before turning...and suddenly, there was a pedestrian! It was one of my sons who pointed it out before I saw her, and probably saved her life (and my sanity). I swerved quickly. And I missed her. But not by much. She was crossing where she wasn't supposed to. And she was oblivious to the whole close call...which means she would not have helped to avoid a collision. That scared me badly. But most of all, it humbled me. I've always been a very careful driver, but each of us is ever only human.

It also scares me to think of all the times I've had my hands on a phone while I was driving. What if that had been one of those times? Would I have had enough control of the wheel to swerve quickly enough? I honestly don't think so. And still I am tempted to check that ringing phone to see who just called me. I'm tempted to focus on the oncoming traffic while waiting to make a left turn, instead of also scanning to the left side. I'm tempted to text, at a long, boring stop light...after all, we're stopped, right?...but what do we do with the phone, then, when the light changes? If I say no to the temptation to text at the stop light, then I won't be tempted to continue when I begin to roll again.

The temptations are great and ever-present, and that's why I think we need to keep reminding ourselves of what's at stake: our lives and the lives of others. I'm writing this to remind you, my friends, but I'm also writing it to keep reminding myself, too...not to remind myself of tragedies, my own family's, the one that happened today in our county, or others...although I will never forget those, but to remind us of how important it is to be as ready as possible, as mentally and physically available as possible, in order to deal with the unexpected.

Let's not lock the car in the garage. But let's make sure the safety is on. 

Tugging on the Reins on Facebook

It isn't because of this article on Facebook Fatigue that I've decided to pull back the reins again on my Facebook use, although I find the graphics of the article fun.

I'm pulling back on my Facebook use because I woke up from a dream seeing the little red Facebook notifications number (and if I'm gonna' dream numbers, I feel better about dreaming the algebraic equations I'm studying in college).

I'm pulling back on my Facebook use because I often get on Facebook when I'm tired, but I don't get more energy from it and then get off. For whatever reason, I often just get more tired. Perhaps I could better use that time to take a nap, and then maybe get some of my much-needed exercise.

I'm pulling back on my Facebook use because - although I don't neglect my immediate family for it - I need to pay more attention to other people I'm not connected to on Facebook...call my dad more often, visit my elderly neighbor, and send some thank you notes...that kind of thing, you know.

I love being connected, through Facebook, to so many of my family and friends, and I am not "leaving" Facebook, just limiting it more. I don't stop eating because I eat more than I should, and I'm not leaving social media because I spend more time on it than I should. But sometimes I have to stop and think, and get myself on a more balanced nutritional plan. And sometimes I have to stop and think, and get myself on a more balanced social plan.

How about you? How does social media fit into your life? 

To My Friends and Family who are not Catholics

To those of my many friends and family who are not Catholics, but who “look on” (through me, through other friends, through the media’s accounts) and perhaps try to understand the Catholic Church or to understand why I am - or someone else you know is – a Catholic, I have a little something I would like to say. 

The Catholic Church has both a religious element and a human element…as do all truly religious organizations on this earth. 

To explain what I mean by saying a "religious element", we who are Catholics believe that Jesus Christ founded the Catholic Church (even if it didn’t initially have the name “Catholic”) and we believe that the Holy Spirit guides the Catholic Church throughout the centuries in its doctrinal religious teachings. Don’t worry. I’m not asking you to agree with me on either of these two premises. I’m just letting you know that this is what we believe and this is what I’m referring to as the religious element. 

The human element consists of her members (and leadership), who are essentially subject to both sin and error. This element has been with us in this world from the beginning of time. It has been with Christianity from the time Jesus Christ walked this earth.  Judas betrayed Christ and Peter denied Him. Paul and Peter argued about how new members should be accepted into the Church. 

The Catholic Church has some authority over its members and its observances, but the Church can change, over time, in its matters of discipline (for example, how we practice penance or what languages to use in our religious services). 

The Church can change - and also lets different members have different ideas - regarding many aspects of how we live in this world. Certain principles remain, but how we deal with some of them, or apply them, might change over time or might differ among people. 

So, when you hear that a particular bishop said something that you don’t understand, or some priests did something terrible, or if you feel that this Facebook friend is always angry about something, try not to make assumptions about your Catholic neighbor based on someone else. We who are Catholic all believe - hopefully- in the same basic religious doctrines; but we are not responsible for what someone else thinks about politics. We are not responsible for how someone else applies our religious principles to the real world or how someone chooses to live.  Nor do we always agree on some of those matters. 

I, for one, did not decide I wanted to become a Catholic for any political or social reasons. I wanted to become a Catholic for what I came to believe were religious truths, and also for the beauty, for the grace, and for the peace and presence of God that I felt in Catholic churches.  And those are all still reasons why I am Catholic today.